We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night so she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away.
'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her backside with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her into the back yard!'
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's 21st birthday came a round, he and his pal Mick took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddystepped out of the boat ... and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother. 'Grandma,' he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him?'
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's troubled eyes and said, 'Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you idiot.'
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said.... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
A lady walks into a drugstore and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. "Oh my goodness;" The pharmacist says, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady then explains that she needs it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes get big and he says, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my licence. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not—you cannot have any cyanide!" The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looks at the picture and says, "Ohhhh. Well, now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription!" ;D
There are two babies in the same crib. the first baby says: "Are you a boy or a girl?" "I don't know," said the second baby . The first baby crawls over to the second and goes underneath the blankets. a few moments later the first baby comes out with a big smile on his face. He says : "You're a girl and I'm a boy." "You're so clever how do you know?" "Well its easy," says the first baby. "I have blue socks and you have pink socks."
A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus, sets him up on the bar and says I bet anyone in here £50 that my octopus can play any musical instrument you hand him.
One guy walks up with a guitar and says, "You're on." He lays his 50 Pounds on the bar and hands over the guitar. The octopus proceeds to tune the strings and begins to play a wonderful classical rendition. Everyone's aghast! The guy collects his 50 Pounds.
Next guy brings up a trumpet and lays his money on the bar. The octopus takes it, plays with the valves for a moment, and proceeds to play a wonderful jazz riff. The guy collects his money again.
The bartender leaves and comes back a few minutes later with a set of bagpipes and lays his £50 on the bar. The octopus picks it up, turns it around, looks at it some more, turns it over again to get a different perspective. After a few minutes of this the guy is getting impatient and asks, "What are you waiting for? Why don't you start playing it?"
The octopus looks over and says, "Play it? Hell I was trying to figure out how to get her pyjamas off!""
One day in Liverpool city centre a group of blondes gathered to show they were not stupid. They asked a man to ask them any questions so he picked a blonde and said what is the capital of United States she said Paris. The crowd chanted give her another chance give her another chance. Then the man said what does hurtful mean. She said smart. The crowd chanted give her another chance give her another chance. Fine the man said but this is the last one: What is 1+1? She said 2..... But once again the crowd chanted give her another chance give her chance.
Our teacher asked us what our favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.dunno:
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of the Rspca. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite live animal was I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
An elderly gentleman of 90 arrives in France by plane. At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. "Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready." The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!" The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look. Then he quietly explained; "Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
Lucy: Hi everyone! Welcome to the shoutbox. Leave messages here for everyone to read.
Jan 30, 2013 21:44:07 GMT
Lucy: I think it's a really good idea and I hope you all do too. Please can I stress that no spoilers are to be posted here but you may say how amazing the episodes were
Jan 30, 2013 21:44:55 GMT
shangas: KUNG HEY FATT CHOY!!!! **Lights firecrackers**
Feb 9, 2013 9:30:00 GMT
shangas: What do Peking Ducks play with on Chinese New Year? FIRE-QUACKERS!!
Feb 9, 2013 9:32:39 GMT
fundraiser: Bid on a walk-on, in full costume, and make-up, as well as lunch with the cast on Murdoch Mysteries.
Mar 19, 2013 0:09:53 GMT
fundraiser: Bid on a Tea with Maureen Jennings at The King Edward Hotel. Charity auction on eBay March 21-25th details www.luxuryandvintage.com Can find details at this site for Charity auction for walk-on on Murdoch Mysteries
Mar 19, 2013 0:10:57 GMT
CosmicCavalcade: Happy Hallowe'en my fellow Murdochians!
Oct 31, 2013 14:28:58 GMT
mrsbrisby: There is another series that might be cancelled. It is called Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries and it is produced in Australia. Please go to petition.org, enter the series name in the search box and fill out the petition. It is the only chance this show has
Jan 29, 2014 12:58:09 GMT
eus: How do i get a different avatar? I notice some people have stills from the show. How do you do that?
Apr 6, 2014 16:17:18 GMT
Ｅｇｏｔｉｓｔｉｃａｌ: Wow ... this is out of date ...
Jun 21, 2014 22:45:34 GMT
Ｅｇｏｔｉｓｔｉｃａｌ: BUT OMFG THIS IS FUN LETS ABUSE THE SHOUTBOX WHOOO
Jun 21, 2014 22:45:57 GMT
rdw69: Wanted – a summary of 11-1 after 9-25 for DVD-only viewers vs a 1 year wait.
Aug 31, 2017 11:30:50 GMT
whathaveyougeorge: Does anyone know when they actually tape at the Scarborough set? I live only 5 minutes from the set but have never been around when they are actually taping on set. I have HUGE Murdoch friends who would LOVE to at least see the set in action.
Aug 16, 2021 16:50:08 GMT